Makeup during shivah

Hi,

Along with the prohibition against pleasurable bathing and annointing with oil, women do not wear makeup during the week of mourning.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 381:6)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Grooming during shivah, part III

Hi,

A mourner may not apply oils to his skin for pleasure. However, oils and creams that are for medical purposes, such as for acne, are permitted.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 381:2)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Grooming during shivah, part II

Hi,

A mourner may not bathe his entire body, even in cold water; he may use cold water to bathe each limb individually.

If a mourner is dirty with offensive material, he may bathe normally.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 381:1)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Grooming during shivah

Hi,

A mourner may not bathe, annoint himself with pleasant (as opposed to medicinal) oil, wear leather shoes, copulate, learn Torah, greet others in the normal manner, or launder clothing all through the week of shivah.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 380:1)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Meat and wine during shivah

Hi,


A mourner in shivah may eat meat, and he may drink small quantities of wine as part of digesting a meal, but he may not drink to intoxication.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 378:8)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Shivah when there are no mourners

Hi,

When someone dies and does not leave mourners behind, people should come sit in the place where that person lived, through the shivah, but that is not the general practice.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 376:3)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Seudat Havraah - The mourner's first meal

Hi,

A mourner's first meal following the funeral may not come from his own property; it is a mitzvah for his neighbors and others to provide this meal for him.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 378:1)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Telling a mourner, "Please sit"

Hi,

In general, one who comes to visit someone may tell the visitee to sit, if the visitee rises to honor him. However, one may not tell a mourner to sit down, for that would send a subtle message, "Sit/remain in your mourning."

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 376:2)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

When to leave a shivah house

Hi,

Once a mourner nods his head, indicating a desire for people to leave, they must leave.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 376:2)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Speaking in a house of mourning

Hi,

Those who come to console the mourner may not begin to speak until the mourner starts speaking.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 376:1)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

When a mourner removes his shoes

Hi,

We said here that the prohibition against a mourner wearing leather shoes begins after burial.

In general, all of the laws of mourning begin when the grave is covered with dirt. However, one need not remove his leather shoes until arriving home from the cemetery. Many do remove their shoes at the cemetery, though.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 375:1)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

The mitzvah of hesped [eulogy]

Hi,

Eulogizing the dead appropriately, meaning raising one's voice and saying heartbreaking things in order to increase the crying and to remember the praises of the deceased, is a great mitzvah.

One ought to praise the deceased and even exaggerate to a small extent (working with the assumption that the deceased would have done more, had the opportunity arisen), but one may not go overboard and offer praises that are inappropriate for the deceased. One who goes overboard causes harm for himself and for the deceased.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 344:1; Taz Yoreh Deah 344:1)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Shemirah of a body

Hi,

We do not leave a body alone between death and burial, to the extent possible. This is for the practical purpose of guarding the body from desecration, as well as to reassure the soul, which is somewhat present, that we have not abandoned it. This practice of remaining with the body is called shemirah.

One who is staying with a body before burial is exempt from the Torah's obligations, such as reciting Shma each morning and evening, but not its prohibitions, such as keeping kosher.

If there are two people with the body then they should take turns fulfilling their obligations and staying with the body.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 341:6)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

More on aninut

Hi,

An onen waiting to bury an immediate relative does not bathe for pleasure or shave, or engage in general joyous activity.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 341:5)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

An onen's footwear

Hi,

An onen may wear leather shoes; the practice of removing one's leather shoes in mourning does not begin until after the burial.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 340:5)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Aninut and sexual relations

Hi,

A man or woman who is an onen, waiting to bury an immediate relative, may not engage in sexual relations.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 341:1)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

An onen's requirements

Hi,

An onen, a person whose immediate relative awaits burial, is exempt from the commandments of the Torah, but obligated in the prohibitions. This means that he must eat kosher food, for example, but he does not recite blessings before eating that food.

(Code of Jewish Law, Yoreh Deah 341:1)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Aninut

Hi,

I have been told that some readers are having trouble viewing this email in Microsoft Outlook; please let me know if you are among them, and how you have corrected the problem. Thanks.

One who has lost an immediate relative, requiring mourning, enters into a state called aninut between the death and the burial. The living relative is called an onen.

An onen is not allowed to eat meat or drink wine, other than on Shabbat and Yom Tov, and does not eat at a table normally used for eating.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 341:1)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Kriah for sad events in general

Hi,

One tears in mourning for other events, besides loss of a relative. For example, one who is present at the moment of a death tears, too.

Note that there is some debate about the obligation for hospital staff, who may be present for many such events.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 340:5)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Another difference when tearing kriah for the loss of a parent

Hi,

The general practice is that when tearing clothing in mourning, one tears the right side of the garment, and one tears from the upper hem downward. However, one who is mourning for a parent tears the left side, toward the heart.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 340:12; Taz Yoreh Deah 340:6)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Women and men, when tearing kriah

Hi,

We have mentioned that one who is mourning a parent tears all but the lowermost garment he is wearing. This applies to both men and women, but women tear the upper and lower layers in different spots, for the sake of privacy.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 340:11)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

On which garments to tear kriah

Hi,

One who loses a relative tears his uppermost garment. One who loses a parent, though, also tears all layers except the garment closest to his skin.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 340:9-10)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

How much to tear for Kriah

Hi,

When one tears clothing in mourning, the tear should be at least one hand-breadth long. One standard measure of a hand-breadth is 3.6 inches.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 340:3)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Tearing kriah at the neck of the garment

Hi,

The tearing of clothing for loss of a relative is performed at the neck of the garment, rather than any other part, maximizing the visibility of the tear.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 340:2)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

When to tear kriah

Hi,

One who hears of a close relative's death recites a blessing, 'Blessed are you Gd, King of the universe, who is the judge of truth,' in an initial attempt to religiously handle his grief. It is at this point that the mourner tears his clothing.

This generally occurs before burial, although one who hears of a death after burial should still recite the blessing and tear his clothing.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 339:3, 340:1; Shach Yoreh Deah 340:3)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Tearing kriah while standing

Hi,

Talmudically, based on biblical examples, we are taught that a mourner tears his clothing while standing - so much so that that the Code of Jewish Law says that one who tears while sitting has not fulfilled his obligation.

(Talmud Moed Katan 20b; Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 340:1)

Have a good day,
Mordechai