Breakaway minyanim

Hi,

One should not create multiple minyanim, as this would violate the principle of "In greater numbers, there is greater glory for the king." However, one may create a separate minyan where there is a compelling reason, such as the desire to honour one's parent by leading services, as chazan, on the yahrtzeit.

(Rivivot Ephraim 1:65)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Supporting one's parents

Hi,

Money spent in support of one's parents qualifies as tzedakah, assuming the parents lack the means to support themselves.

(Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 251:3, and see Tzedakah uMishpat 3:8)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Mourning for parents

Hello,

The reason that one mourns for parents for a year, but for other relatives for only 30 days, is because of the obligation to honour one's parents.

(Rav Moshe Feinstein, Igrot Moshe Yoreh Deah 1:255)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Changing the wording on a headstone

Hi,

Where a headstone has become weathered and a new engraving is needed, the child of the person buried there is not allowed to reduce the praises that had been written there beforehand; this is a function of the mitzvah of honouring one's parents. However, one may condense the praises without losing their meaning.

Other relatives are permitted to reduce the praises in order to save money, but they ought to examine whether it would be better to leave the original, weathered headstone in place, with its greater praise.

(Rav Moshe Feinstein, Igrot Moshe Yoreh Deah 1:228)

Have a good day,
Mordechai

Calling others by the name of one's parent

Hi,

Normally, one may not call his parent by name; this is a measure of respect. [See the previous post for more on this.]

What about one who is with a group of people which includes his parent as well as someone else who shares his parent's name? This is fine if the name is generic, so that all who are present will realize he likely isn't referring to his parent, or if it is clear from the context that he is not referring to this parent.

(Rav Moshe Feinstein, Igrot Moshe Yoreh Deah 1:133)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Mentioning a parent's name

Hi,

As a matter of respect, we are taught to refer to a parent as "my father" or "my mother", rather than by name, whether they are present or not. However, one who needs to mention their name as a practical matter in a particular circumstance may do so, taking care to do so with the honourific of "my father" or "my mother".

(Rav Moshe Feinstein, Igrot Moshe Yoreh Deah 1:133)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Using a parent's first name

Hi,

We said here that one may not call his parents by their first name. However,one may tell people their names in the course of passing information. The issue is really in using their names in a familiar - and therefore less-than-respectful - manner.

(Pitchei Teshuvah, Yoreh Deah 240:2)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Debating with a parent

Hi,

A child may not contradict his parents, but one may do so in the course of studying Torah with the parent - asking and answering and raising issues, as is normal in the course of study.

(Pitchei Teshuvah Yoreh Deah 240:1)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Honoring adoptive parents

Hello,

I believe the feed for the daily emails is now fixed, so that you should be receiving them normally. Please note that if you ever do not receive the daily email, you can check the blog where I post them each day - http://halachahbyemail.blogspot.com.


One must honor adoptive parents. Aside from the technical possibility that they may be considered 'parents' in terms of the mitzvah of honoring parents, there is a separate requirement of hakarat hatov, displaying gratitude for their tremendous kindness in adopting the child.

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Honoring the parents of a person who converts to Judaism

Hi,

Jewish law considers a person who converts to Judaism to be "newborn." Nonetheless, one who converts to Judaism may not violate the honor of his biological parents.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 241:9)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Mocking a parent

Hi,

The Torah says (Deuteronomy 27:16), "Cursed is one who shames his parents." This applies to anyone who mocks his parents, even verbally and even indirectly.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 241:6)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Accepting a service from one's parent

Hi,

If a parent wishes to do something that will serve his child, such as pouring water or running an errand, the child may accept that help and it isn't considered an inappropriate diminution of parental honor.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:25)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Arranged marriages

Hi,

A parent is not empowered to force his child into an arranged marriage; the child may refuse.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:25)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Honoring Parents vs. Studying Torah

Hi,

One who wishes to go study Torah with a certain teacher, because he is certain that he will meet success with that teacher, is not required to listen to a parent who protests due to safety concerns.

Note, though, that the child is separately obligated to take all necessary steps to preserve his life.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:25)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

A parent serving a child

Hi,

If a parent wishes to do something that will serve his child, such as pouring water or running an errand, the child may accept that help. This is not considered an inappropriate diminution of parental honor.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:25)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Honoring In-laws

Hi,

One is obligated to honor a father-in-law and mother-in-law.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:24; Taz Yoreh Deah 240:19)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Honoring step-parents

Hi,

One must honor step-parents so long as their spouses are still alive, as a function of the mitzvah of honoring their spouses (the biological parents).

It is appropriate to continue that honor even after the death of the direct parents, although this is not as strong an obligation.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:21)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Honoring parents - the parental responsibility

Hi,

Parents are not permitted to make it difficult for children to honor them, or to refuse to forgive their errors in this area. Provoking one's children to anger against one's self is a grave sin.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:19-20)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Honoring a sinful parent

Hi,

There is a debate as to whether a child born of a prohibited sexual interaction is obligated to honor the parent until the parent repents. It is clear, though, that the child is not permitted to deliberately pain the parent.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:18, 241:4-5)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Competing imperatives

Hi,

Yesterday we discussed indirect competition between honoring parents and performing other mitzvot, where one must choose which opportunity to fulfill.

In a more direct situation, where a parent tells a child to violate a mitzvah, the child is not permitted to obey. Both child and parents are obligated in awe of Gd.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:15; Shach Yoreh Deah 240:17)

Have a great day,
Mordechai