Activities people don't think of as transgressions

Hi,

There are five activities for which people are not likely to repent, because people do not view them as transgressions:

1. Participating a meal when the host does not have enough for himself; people believe this is fine because they have the host's permission. This is quasi-theft;

2. Using a pauper's collateral, which the pauper needs;

3. Gazing at someone with whom sexual relations are prohibited;

4. Receiving honour by looking good in comparison with someone else, causing the other one to be disgraced and embarrassed;

5. Suspecting those who are innocent of wrongdoing.

(Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Laws of Repentance 4:4)

גמר חתימה טובה,

Mordechai

Pidyon HaBen on the wrong day

Hi,

There is a debate as to whether Pidyon HaBen may be done after the baby's 30th day ends at nightfall, or whether it must wait until the baby has lived an entire lunar cycle, which is a little more than 29.5 days. Thus a baby born just before nightfall on July 1 will be eligible for Pidyon HaBen after nightfall on July 30 according to the first view, but the second view will still require more time. We follow the second view.

If a family mistakenly invited guests for a Pidyon HaBen on the night after the baby's 30th day, and there would be great shame in informing the guests of the error and re-scheduling the Pidyon HaBen, then they may proceed with the Pidyon HaBen at the advertised time, to avoid embarrassment.

(Rav Moshe Feinstein, Igrot Moshe Yoreh Deah 1:196)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Leining one's own aliyah

Hi,

In a minyan in which some who ascend to the Torah read their own aliyah and some don't, and sometimes one who knows how to lein (read from the Torah) still doesn't read his own aliyah, it is permissible to lein one's own aliyah.

This will not embarrass someone who needs another baal keriah (reader) to lein his aliyah, since no one will be able to tell.

(Rav Moshe Feinstein, Igrot Moshe Orach Chaim 4:91:7)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Not burdening an ill person

Hi,

We are taught to be careful when visiting an ill person, to avoid burdening the patient. This includes being sensitive to the patient's pain as well as potential embarrassment for his his condition, such as by avoiding visits at a time when a patient may have trouble controlling his odor, and avoiding behavior which will make the patient uncomfortable.

(Talmud, Nedarim 41a; Tur Yoreh Deah 335)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Kiddush Cup: Whole and Clean

Hi,

Cups of wine which are associated with Mitzvot, like Kiddush and Havdalah, are treated with special honor. Two associated practices are:

1. Rinsing the cup, inside and outside, before using it, to ensure cleanliness;
2. Using a cup which is neither chipped nor cracked.

These are appropriate practices, but the lack thereof does not invalidate the Mitzvah. Therefore, one who realizes he forgot to rinse out the cup before filling it should not pour out the Kiddush wine.

One whose only cup is chipped may use that cup, assuming that the cup has enough uncracked height to hold the minimum of 3.8 ounces.

A guest certainly should not embarrass his host by “educating him” on these issues in public at Kiddush-time; far better to have Kiddush without these good practices.

(Code of Jewish Law, Orach Chaim 271:10; Mishneh Berurah 271:44)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Mocking a parent

Hi,

The Torah says (Deuteronomy 27:16), "Cursed is one who shames his parents." This applies to anyone who mocks his parents, even verbally and even indirectly.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 241:6)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Embarrassing a parent

Hi,

The Talmud mentions a critical element of awe, beyond the behaviors we have already mentioned: One must take great care never to embarrass a parent in public, regardless of the parent's behavior toward the child.

[Important Note: This doesn't interfere with self-protection from abuse; we are talking about a case in which the child can safely exit a situation.]

Thus an adult child who faces public verbal abuse from a parent is not permitted to respond in a way that will shame the parent. Yes, verbal abuse is very real and very harmful, but an adult child is expected to find other ways to deal with the problem.

(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:3)

Have a great day,
Mordechai

Daily Jewish Law - 2/10

Hello,

We have been learning about Lashon haRa, harmful speech.

"Lashon HaRa" includes any comment that will cause a person embarrassment, even if it isn't directly negative about him - such as a comment about his parents or relatives.

(Mekor Chaim 4:1)

Have a great day,
Mordechai