Hi,
The key element in honoring one's parents is that one have a pleasant demeanor. One who does good things for his parents, but with an unpleasant demeanor, will face punishment rather than reward for his actions.
Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:4)
Have an easy and meaningful fast,
Mordechai
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
A Purim Reminder
A Purim reminder:
On Purim we celebrate the ultimate joy of a sudden national rescue, and our sages taught that we should imbibe alcohol at the Purim Seudah as part of this celebration. Just as we abstain from various foods and from drink at certain times of the year to induce sadness, so we indulge in various foods and in drink at other times of the year, to induce joy. The gemara’s standard for imbibing is to drink until we cannot tell the difference between “Cursed is Haman” and “Blessed is Mordechai” (Megilah 7b).
Authorities differ on how much to drink, but the following is clear: An adult who is medically, psychologically and emotionally able to drink, and who has a designated driver, should drink some amount of alcohol - preferably enough that he feels lightheaded (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 695:2). One should enjoy his Seudah, drink a little, and then sleep off the effects of the alcohol.
Many people, and I include myself in this number, have embraced the practice of drinking minimally at the Purim Seudah and then fulfilling the state of intoxication by taking a nap after the meal. This approach is sanctioned by the Rama (Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim 695:2).
The following is obvious, and I apologize for taking your time with it, but if my blog has any reach at all then I feel an obligation to state this obvious point. Please:
1) Never give alcohol to minors to drink on Purim. It is not necessary for their fulfillment of any Mitzvah. It might be secularly legal as sacramental wine, but it is a foolish and dangerous practice and therefore prohibited as endangering our children as well as violating our obligation of chinuch for our children.
I do believe there is a difference between giving children the barest taste of wine from Kiddush and engaging in Purim drinking in their presence. The former is a formal setting, and no one (I hope) is drinking to get a buzz. On Purim, though, because the drinking is more loose and more geared toward celebration, I believe that the rule should be that children drink no alcohol at all.
2) Adults should not drink on Purim in the presence of young children. Immature children cannot tell when you are in control and when you are not, cannot comprehend the dangers associated with alcohol, cannot accept the idea that adults can do what children are not permitted to do, and cannot understand the difference between Purim and the rest of the year.
Note: When I say young children, the definition depends upon the child. It may well include teenagers; it's a matter of maturity, per #2 above.
The finest joy is a celebration which centers around a Mitzvah, and this is the essence of Purim – the four mitzvot (Megilah, Sending Gifts of Food, Giving to the Poor and having a Feast) which are about experiencing joy and spreading joy and thanking HaShem for saving us from destruction.
For more on this theme see Shaarei Teshuvah of Rav Chaim Margaliyot (printed with a standard Mishneh Berurah), in his final comment on Orach Chaim.
I apologize for wasting anyone’s time by stating the obvious, but as I said above, I feel the responsibility of stating this in any forum I have available.
Have a great day,
Mordechai
On Purim we celebrate the ultimate joy of a sudden national rescue, and our sages taught that we should imbibe alcohol at the Purim Seudah as part of this celebration. Just as we abstain from various foods and from drink at certain times of the year to induce sadness, so we indulge in various foods and in drink at other times of the year, to induce joy. The gemara’s standard for imbibing is to drink until we cannot tell the difference between “Cursed is Haman” and “Blessed is Mordechai” (Megilah 7b).
Authorities differ on how much to drink, but the following is clear: An adult who is medically, psychologically and emotionally able to drink, and who has a designated driver, should drink some amount of alcohol - preferably enough that he feels lightheaded (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 695:2). One should enjoy his Seudah, drink a little, and then sleep off the effects of the alcohol.
Many people, and I include myself in this number, have embraced the practice of drinking minimally at the Purim Seudah and then fulfilling the state of intoxication by taking a nap after the meal. This approach is sanctioned by the Rama (Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim 695:2).
The following is obvious, and I apologize for taking your time with it, but if my blog has any reach at all then I feel an obligation to state this obvious point. Please:
1) Never give alcohol to minors to drink on Purim. It is not necessary for their fulfillment of any Mitzvah. It might be secularly legal as sacramental wine, but it is a foolish and dangerous practice and therefore prohibited as endangering our children as well as violating our obligation of chinuch for our children.
I do believe there is a difference between giving children the barest taste of wine from Kiddush and engaging in Purim drinking in their presence. The former is a formal setting, and no one (I hope) is drinking to get a buzz. On Purim, though, because the drinking is more loose and more geared toward celebration, I believe that the rule should be that children drink no alcohol at all.
2) Adults should not drink on Purim in the presence of young children. Immature children cannot tell when you are in control and when you are not, cannot comprehend the dangers associated with alcohol, cannot accept the idea that adults can do what children are not permitted to do, and cannot understand the difference between Purim and the rest of the year.
Note: When I say young children, the definition depends upon the child. It may well include teenagers; it's a matter of maturity, per #2 above.
The finest joy is a celebration which centers around a Mitzvah, and this is the essence of Purim – the four mitzvot (Megilah, Sending Gifts of Food, Giving to the Poor and having a Feast) which are about experiencing joy and spreading joy and thanking HaShem for saving us from destruction.
For more on this theme see Shaarei Teshuvah of Rav Chaim Margaliyot (printed with a standard Mishneh Berurah), in his final comment on Orach Chaim.
I apologize for wasting anyone’s time by stating the obvious, but as I said above, I feel the responsibility of stating this in any forum I have available.
Have a great day,
Mordechai
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Honoring our parents
Hi,
We have discussed the mitzvah of displaying awe for one's parents; there are other practices associated with honoring one's parents.
Honoring them includes giving them food and beverages, clothing and blankets, and escorting them when they travel.
(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:4)
Have a great day,
Mordechai
We have discussed the mitzvah of displaying awe for one's parents; there are other practices associated with honoring one's parents.
Honoring them includes giving them food and beverages, clothing and blankets, and escorting them when they travel.
(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:4)
Have a great day,
Mordechai
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Embarrassing a parent
Hi,
The Talmud mentions a critical element of awe, beyond the behaviors we have already mentioned: One must take great care never to embarrass a parent in public, regardless of the parent's behavior toward the child.
[Important Note: This doesn't interfere with self-protection from abuse; we are talking about a case in which the child can safely exit a situation.]
Thus an adult child who faces public verbal abuse from a parent is not permitted to respond in a way that will shame the parent. Yes, verbal abuse is very real and very harmful, but an adult child is expected to find other ways to deal with the problem.
(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:3)
Have a great day,
Mordechai
The Talmud mentions a critical element of awe, beyond the behaviors we have already mentioned: One must take great care never to embarrass a parent in public, regardless of the parent's behavior toward the child.
[Important Note: This doesn't interfere with self-protection from abuse; we are talking about a case in which the child can safely exit a situation.]
Thus an adult child who faces public verbal abuse from a parent is not permitted to respond in a way that will shame the parent. Yes, verbal abuse is very real and very harmful, but an adult child is expected to find other ways to deal with the problem.
(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:3)
Have a great day,
Mordechai
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Calling a parent by name
Hi,
One may not call his parents by their personal names; instead, one should say "My father/mother, my teacher." This continues even after their deaths.
One may use a parent's name when talking about, or to, someone else who has the same name - but only if the name is common and if the parent is not present. If the parent is present, some authorities will not allow the use of the parent's name, despite its commonness.
(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:2; Shach Yoreh Deah 240:3)
Have a great day,
Mordechai
One may not call his parents by their personal names; instead, one should say "My father/mother, my teacher." This continues even after their deaths.
One may use a parent's name when talking about, or to, someone else who has the same name - but only if the name is common and if the parent is not present. If the parent is present, some authorities will not allow the use of the parent's name, despite its commonness.
(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:2; Shach Yoreh Deah 240:3)
Have a great day,
Mordechai
Monday, March 2, 2009
More Awe
Hi,
This is also included in "awe of one's parents": One should not contradict his parents, but one should also not publicly support his words, including saying, 'My father's words appear to be correct.' This would make it appear that the parent needed the child's support.
(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:2)
Have a great day,
Mordechai
This is also included in "awe of one's parents": One should not contradict his parents, but one should also not publicly support his words, including saying, 'My father's words appear to be correct.' This would make it appear that the parent needed the child's support.
(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:2)
Have a great day,
Mordechai
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Awe of one's parents
Hi,
As we cited yesterday, one of the main passages prescribing honor of one's parents actually uses the term awe: "A person shall have awe of his mother and father, and guard my Shabbatot; I am HaShem your Gd."
Awe includes, among other things, not standing in the designated spots where they socialize or pray or eat.
(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:2)
Have a great day,
Mordechai
As we cited yesterday, one of the main passages prescribing honor of one's parents actually uses the term awe: "A person shall have awe of his mother and father, and guard my Shabbatot; I am HaShem your Gd."
Awe includes, among other things, not standing in the designated spots where they socialize or pray or eat.
(Code of Jewish Law Yoreh Deah 240:2)
Have a great day,
Mordechai
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